humour

A Toronto commercial photographer went to her family doctor. The photographer had celery stuck in her nose, a carrot in one ear and a banana in the other.

“What’s the matter with me?” she asked her doctor.

The doctor replied, “You’re not eating properly.”

The same photographer then went to an eye doctor. The receptionist asked what was the problem. The photographer complained, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”

The receptionist asked, “Have you ever seen a doctor?”

The photographer replied, “No, just spots.”
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Just before leaving on a big assignment to photograph a client’s overseas factory, a Toronto corporate photographer went to a drugstore to pick up a tube of ointment. The directions read: “Apply locally, twice a day.”

The photographer said to the pharmacist, “I can’t apply locally, I’m going overseas.”

Since the client was very low budget, the corporate photographer had no choice but to fly on a very cheap, small airline. During the overseas travel, the flight attendant asked the photographer if he would like dinner.

“What are my choices?” he asked.

“Yes or no.”
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Some wedding photographers offer free prints to attract new customers. Others will offer lower prices. But if a wedding photographer really wants to stand out and increase their value to the soon-to-be bride and groom, then perhaps that photographer should also offer to perform the marriage ceremony.

Imagine the photographer’s sales pitch:

Our full-service Platinum wedding package includes engagement photos, albums for the couple and the parents. Plus, if you act now, you’ll get a free marriage ceremony!

To offer this service, the photographer just has to get ordained by a church and perhaps, purchase the lovely $6.99 certificate which “proves” they were ordained.

As a bonus, an ordained photographer may also perform funeral services. Imagine the business to be earned from:

Add some fun to your next funeral with our Heavenly FotoFuneral package. Free souvenir 8×10 glossy if you book today!

Are you feeling stressed? Does your spirit need to be lifted? Do you need a healthy glow? Then have we got the cure for you: a big dose of Honeysuckle 18-2120.
The colourful folks at Pantone have declared that this is the colour for 2011. Please adjust your life accordingly.

A few random thoughts as we start a new year of photography:

Creating a good photograph is like a savings account. The more you put into it, the more interest you earn.

Behind every good photographer is a thousand bad pictures.

Bad pictures can often be caused by a loose screw behind the viewfinder.

It’s not a mistake unless someone notices.

Never judge a photographer by their pictures.

Sometimes the best photographs happen only after reading the camera manual.

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Here are some signs that you’ve probably received a bad Christmas gift:

The gift tag says: “To whom it may concern”.

The gift wrapping is mostly duct tape.

It comes with a warning from the Ministry of Health.

The gift requires scratching and sniffing.

Its Best Before Date was last Christmas.

It’s been banned in most other countries.

It’s made completely from toothpicks.

It comes in a six-pack.

It requires ammunition.

The description on the box includes the phrase “hair removal”.

It was purchased from an all-night taxidermist.

It comes with a no-return, no-exchange policy.