humour

Contract Negotiation

How does a photographer negotiate their contract?

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio, has a Rolling Stone magazine exhibit which includes two letters from 1982 between Rolling Stone magazine’s (then) chief photographer Annie Leibovitz and its publisher Jann Wenner. No idea why the letters are dated March 1982 and Leibovitz signed the contract as being March 1981 (perhaps a typo or bad handwriting?).

Not sure if it was related but Leibovitz left the magazine the following year.

On Wenner’s web site, (9th thumbnail), there’s a self-portrait of Wenner and Leibovitz from 1973 when she was named the magazine’s chief photographer.

 

Never Ending

Learning about photography never ends.

Updating software never ends.

Updating your web site never ends.

Re-evaluating your business never ends.

Searching for new ideas never ends.

Buying new photo gear never ends.

Credit card payments never end.

The need for “just one more picture” never ends.

The thrill of having your photo on a magazine cover, a billboard, or just hanging on a wall, never ends.

Searching for new customers never ends.

Having to do your homework never ends.

Looking at something and thinking “24mm, 5.6 at 1/250” never ends.

Trying to produce better pictures never ends.

 

How to insult a photographer

One of the more popular ways to insult a photographer is to look at their pictures and say, “Nice pictures! You must have a good camera.”

Here are a few gentle ways to insult a fellow photographer:

  • He’s a few pictures short of a slideshow.
  • She’s obviously not working with a full frame.
  • His zoom doesn’t extend all the way.
  • Her flash isn’t firing on full power.
  • Her shutter speed is a bit slow.
  • His aperture isn’t exactly wide open.
  • She’s dragging her shutter.
  • He’s been spending way too much time in the darkroom.
  • He’s working with a shallow depth of field.
  • She’s not exactly high definition.
  • “Low resolution” is his middle name.
  • His lens cap is on.
  • Her memory card is empty.
  • She’s not exactly the sharpest lens in the bag.
  • He’s not exactly the fastest lens in the bag.
  • His camera is clicking but nothing gets recorded.
  • Her camera is firing but her film isn’t advancing.
  • He’s a couple stops short of a good exposure.
  • The carousel is in place but the projector isn’t turned on.

 

Photographically Speaking

From A to Z, here are some lesser-known photography phrases:

Aggressive pixels – A picture shot extremely tight. For example: when all others are using a 70-200mm lens, the photographer using a 400mm lens is said to be shooting aggressive pixels.

American Idol Effect – A reference to photo sites like Flickr.

Autotard – A photographer who always uses their camera on the “Auto” setting.

Available darkness – Shooting in a dark location without flash.

Baby zoomer – A wide-angle zoom lens.

Bacon assignment – A job that pays much more than it’s worth.

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Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa,

Here’s my list for this Christmas. Please read it carefully so you don’t mix it up like you did last year:

• Less stress and more success.
• More spare time and less spare tire.
• Less grey hair and more grey matter.
• Big bank account and small credit card bills.
• Pay rates go up and camera prices go down.
• Large photo budgets and small copyright demands.
• Faster computer and slower deadlines.

I’ll be leaving some gluten-free, sugar-free, fat-free, nut-free, taste-free cookies on the front table along with a glass of soy milk. If things go well this year, I’m sure we’ll see the return of the frosted, double fudge, chocolate chip brownies and the grande caffé mocha with extra whipped cream next year.

 

Title Role

Look through LinkedIn and notice how self-employed people describe themselves.

Corporate employees are often given a title by their company but a self-employed person can create any title they want.

It’s a safe bet that anyone who declares themselves to be an expert, evangelist, guru, life coach, influencer, disrupter, ambassador, thought leader, ninja or even a rockstar, probably isn’t.

What exactly do the titles “innovator” and “visionary” mean? One might wonder if “self-employed” is somehow related to “self-important.”
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Ten signs you’ve got a bad customer

High-maintenance customers can be difficult to deal with. They can also damage a photographer’s business with their time-consuming and stress-inducing behaviour. You know you’re dealing with a bad customer when:

10. An abundance of e-mails pour in and each one is marked URGENT!!!

9. They expect the photographer to work for free in exchange for a credit line and they want unlimited use of all the photos.

8. They talk down to the photographer: “Can we work faster?”, “Are we sure that’s the best camera angle?”, “Did we check to make sure everyone’s in focus?” and they demand to see the LCD review of every picture.

7. At a publicity event, they expect the photographer to help set up the product displays, hand out brochures, and wear a t-shirt and baseball hat emblazoned with their company logo.

6. After a company party, they scold the photographer for not getting a picture of the CEO’s wife’s sister’s family who were sitting somewhere in the ballroom.

5. They expect everyone in the photos to look like magazine cover models. Otherwise it’s the photographer’s fault and they shouldn’t have to pay.

4. After being promised free, next-day, rush delivery, they still call two hours later demanding to know why the photos are so late.

3. They change their mind every day: “We want a photo of our factory” . . . “We’ve decided on a group shot of our sales department” . . . “It’s a photo of our sales department in front of the factory and make it look like a Vanity Fair cover.”

2. They try to negotiate a lower price after the job is done.

1. They’re late to pay.

 

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