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Things you need to know about lists of things you need to know

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On the Web, in magazines and in newspapers, there are an infinite number of articles with titles like, “10 things you need to know about . . .”, “12 tops tips for . . .”, “24 best ideas for . . .”, ad nauseam.

In keeping with this silly trend, here are the top seven things you need to know about meaningless lists of things you need to know:

 

1. Magazine readership studies, going back to at least the 1990s, have shown that using numbers on cover blurbs increases readership. Using a non-round number such as “Top 12” rather than “Top 10” will increase readership even more. An odd non-round number is even more effective: “Top 11” will attract more attention than “Top 12.”

The next time you’re in a supermarket checkout line, look at all the magazine covers and note the numbers in their cover blurbs: “47 Ultimate Summer Fashion Tips”, “63 ways to boost your love life”, “21 foods you must avoid”, etc.
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Bureaucratic Red Tape

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From shooting assignments at four large companies over the past three weeks:

• For an editorial portrait of an executive, that executive’s telecom company required every e-mail to be cc’d to the following people:

– the photo subject’s executive assistant

– the executive assistant’s assistant

– the director of national marketing and communications

– the communications senior manager

– the public relations senior manager

– legal affairs

– the social media manager

– an outside public relations and marketing agency

– building management

– building security

 

• Another corporate client had to add me to its vendor list. To do this, the company sent four documents for me to complete. One of these documents was five pages long. The documents were then sent to three people at two sister companies in two countries.
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Is your company a laughing stock?

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If your company still uses cheap stock pictures and you enjoy irony then keep reading.

Last month, McSweeney’s published “This is a Generic Brand Video”, a satirical piece by Kendra Eash about the generic branding used by some companies.

Many businesses today use meaningless, generic stock photos and stock video. These companies may think they’re sending a strong message to their customers and building a unique corporate image but they’re fooling only themselves. Everyone sees stock images for what they really are: just a quick way to cut corners and save a few bucks.

Now the irony.
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You Don’t Say

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Customers say the darndest things:

None of the photographers we hired last year knew what we wanted.

None of the other photographers knew how to take pictures we like.

We’ve had such a hard time finding a photographer who knows the right price.

I know this is what we asked for but it isn’t what we want.

If our budget changes, we may not be able to pay you.

We need a portrait of our CEO done this afternoon and we’re willing to pay $75.

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Why photography?

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There are many photography web sites that offer advice on “how to”.

How to photograph portraits, how to photograph children, how to take pictures of pets, how to shoot sports, how to take pictures at night, how to use a wide angle lens, how to take pictures with a flash, how to take pictures without a flash, how to . . . ad nauseam.

But there are few sites that talk about “why”.

Why photograph portraits, why photograph children, why shoot sports, why use a wide angle, why use a flash, . . . ?
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Worst Job Ever

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The worst job in the country?

According to CareerCast’s just released 2013 annual job ratings comparing 200 jobs, “newspaper reporter” is the worst job around.

In 2010, “newspaper reporter” was ranked 184th; in 2011, it was 188th; in 2012, it was 196th. Notice a trend?

This year, “photojournalist” ranks 188th. That’s right, dishwasher and maid are both better jobs than photojournalist.

In 2010, “photojournalist” was ranked 189th; in 2011, it was 185th; in 2012, it was 166th.

The job of “photographer” is slightly better at position 172. But “photographer” is apparently a worse job than cashier, carpet installer, garbage collector, bus driver and janitor.

In 2010, “photographer” was rated 126th; in 2011, it was 144th; in 2012, it was 147th. Hmm, a downward trend?

Best jobs? Actuary, biomedical engineer, and software engineer.

Of course, reports like this are meant for “water cooler conversation” – something that folks can chat about while standing at the water cooler. Today’s water coolers are blogs, Facebook pages and Tweets.

 

Photographers and crooks

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Just in case you were wondering:

 … we photographers are nothing but a pack of crooks, thieves and voyeurs. We are to be found everywhere we are not wanted; we betray secrets that were never entrusted to us; we spy shamelessly on things that are not our business; and end up the hoarders of a vast quantity of stolen goods.

— Gyula Halász (aka Brassaï) 20th-century Hungarian photographer/artist.

 

If I’d had the nerve, I’d have become a thief or a gangster, but since I didn’t, I became a photographer.

— Emmanuel Radnitsky (aka Man Ray) 20th-century US photographer/artist.

 

 

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