For Photographers

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This (III)

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A Toronto commercial photographer went to her family doctor. The photographer had celery stuck in her nose, a carrot in one ear and a banana in the other.

“What’s the matter with me?” she asked her doctor.

The doctor replied, “You’re not eating properly.”

The same photographer then went to an eye doctor. The receptionist asked what was the problem. The photographer complained, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”

The receptionist asked, “Have you seen a doctor?”

The photographer replied, “No, just spots.”
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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This (II)

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Just before leaving on a big assignment to photograph a client’s overseas factory, a Toronto corporate photographer went to a drugstore to pick up a tube of ointment. The directions read: “Apply locally, twice a day.”

The photographer said to the pharmacist, “I can’t apply locally, I’m going overseas.”

Since the client was very low budget, the photographer had no choice but to fly on a very cheap, small airline. During the overseas travel, the flight attendant asked the photographer if he would like dinner.

“What are my choices?” he asked.

“Yes or no.”
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Stop me if you’ve heard this

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What’s the definition of an optimist?

A freelance photographer with a mortgage.

 

What’s the definition of an optimist?

A freelancer who opens a savings account.

 

What’s the difference between a freelance photographer and a savings bond?

One of them eventually matures and earns money.

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Canonize your Canon

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Some wedding photographers offer free prints to attract new customers. Others will offer lower prices. But if a wedding photographer really wants to stand out and increase their value to the soon-to-be bride and groom, then perhaps that photographer should also offer to perform the marriage ceremony.

Imagine the photographer’s sales pitch:

Our full-service Platinum wedding package includes engagement photos, albums for the couple and the parents. Plus, if you act now, you’ll get a free marriage ceremony!

To offer this service, a photographer just has to get ordained by a church and perhaps, purchase the lovely $6.99 certificate which “proves” they were ordained.

As a bonus, an ordained photographer may also perform funeral services. Imagine the business to be earned from:

Add some fun to your next funeral with our Heavenly FotoFuneral package. Free souvenir 8×10 glossy if you book today!

 

Model Behaviour

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A Toronto model agency includes these terms for booking any of its talent:

• Models don’t work for free.

• Minimum one hour booking and the time is rounded up to the next full hour. Model gets paid for the full time booked and not necessarily the actual time for the shoot.

• Model gets paid for travel time and preparation time.

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Photo Scam Warning

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There are several e-mail scams aimed at photographers. Most start with the sender of the e-mail saying that they came upon the photographer’s web site and they love the pictures. The person will have some sort of urgent photo assignment in the photographer’s area and wants to hire the photographer right away. The person will offer to pay in full in advance.

If the photographer falls for this, the scammer will send a payment cheque for far too much money. When the honest photographer points out this “mistake,” the scammer will apologize and ask the photographer to refund the excess money as quickly as possible. The trusting photographer will be told to wire the money asap. The scammer’s original cheque will later bounce and the photographer will lose whatever money they sent to the scammer.

Another version of this scam is that after the scammer has sent a (fake) cheque, they will say the event has been cancelled and they need the money wired back to them as quickly as possible.
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