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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This (III)

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A Toronto commercial photographer went to her family doctor. The photographer had celery stuck in her nose, a carrot in one ear and a banana in the other.

“What’s the matter with me?” she asked her doctor.

The doctor replied, “You’re not eating properly.”

The same photographer then went to an eye doctor. The receptionist asked what was the problem. The photographer complained, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”

The receptionist asked, “Have you seen a doctor?”

The photographer replied, “No, just spots.”
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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This (II)

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Just before leaving on a big assignment to photograph a client’s overseas factory, a Toronto corporate photographer went to a drugstore to pick up a tube of ointment. The directions read: “Apply locally, twice a day.”

The photographer said to the pharmacist, “I can’t apply locally, I’m going overseas.”

Since the client was very low budget, the photographer had no choice but to fly on a very cheap, small airline. During the overseas travel, the flight attendant asked the photographer if he would like dinner.

“What are my choices?” he asked.

“Yes or no.”
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Cheap Stock Pictures Are Too Expensive

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9Here’s another example that cheap stock pictures can be too expensive, especially when it mangles a company’s reputation.

A US magazine called VegNews is all about being vegetarian or vegan. Rather than using custom food photography, the magazine decided to use cheap stock pictures because they were, uh, cheap.

The problem is that the food photos were not vegetarian or vegan. The magazine just passed them off as being so.
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Stop me if you’ve heard this

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What’s the definition of an optimist?

A freelance photographer with a mortgage.

 

What’s the definition of an optimist?

A freelancer who opens a savings account.

 

What’s the difference between a freelance photographer and a savings bond?

One of them eventually matures and earns money.

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Canonize your Canon

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Some wedding photographers offer free prints to attract new customers. Others will offer lower prices. But if a wedding photographer really wants to stand out and increase their value to the soon-to-be bride and groom, then perhaps that photographer should also offer to perform the marriage ceremony.

Imagine the photographer’s sales pitch:

Our full-service Platinum wedding package includes engagement photos, albums for the couple and the parents. Plus, if you act now, you’ll get a free marriage ceremony!

To offer this service, a photographer just has to get ordained by a church and perhaps, purchase the lovely $6.99 certificate which “proves” they were ordained.

As a bonus, an ordained photographer may also perform funeral services. Imagine the business to be earned from:

Add some fun to your next funeral with our Heavenly FotoFuneral package. Free souvenir 8×10 glossy if you book today!

 

A Federal Case

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There’s a Canadian federal election coming in early May. One would think that if a party wants to run the country then surely it should be able to run a web site.

Liberals

The Liberals have the slowest loading site of the bunch. Almost painful, but let’s be charitable and assume the site was just busy today. This site uses free WordPress blog software but it fails XHTML validation. The design is consistent and it uses the party’s traditional red–white colour scheme.

The two-year-old portrait of Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff is outdated. What does it suggest when the party couldn’t be bothered to get a new business portrait for something as important as a federal election? But again, to be charitable, let’s say the Liberals used an old picture just to save a few bucks.

The site has photo captions and credits on many of its pictures. The party has hired at least one experienced news photographer, but the site suffers from either non-existent or just plain bad photo editing.
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