On the Web, in magazines and in newspapers, there are an infinite number of articles with titles like, “10 things you need to know about . . .”, “12 tops tips for . . .”, “24 best ideas for . . .”, ad nauseam.
In keeping with this silly trend, here are the top seven things you need to know about meaningless lists of things you need to know:
1. Magazine readership studies, going back to at least the 1990s, have shown that using numbers on cover blurbs increases readership. Using a non-round number such as “Top 12” rather than “Top 10” will increase readership even more. An odd non-round number is even more effective: “Top 11” will attract more attention than “Top 12.”
The next time you’re in a supermarket checkout line, look at all the magazine covers and note the numbers in their cover blurbs: “47 Ultimate Summer Fashion Tips”, “63 ways to boost your love life”, “21 foods you must avoid”, etc.
2. Using a title that combines a number with a benefit, (e.g. “17 ways to lose weight fast”, is not only for boosting readership, it’s also good for search engine optimization. For some reason, search engines seem to love magazine-style numeric blurbs and titles that are an interrogative sentence (e.g. “How to land your dream job”).
3. If a title does include a number, you can be assured that the list is contrived. The best advice always comes in a list of just one item such as “Don’t run with scissors” and not “14 things you shouldn’t do with scissors.”
4. The bigger the number, the more useless the information. Most titles should really be along the lines of: “17 things I could think of to fill this space.”
5. Many of the middle items in a large list are just filler. Studies have shown that most folks read only the first and last few items and they don’t bother too much with the middle.
6. Most titles are self-contradictory. If the title is “12 Essential Things You Need To Know About . . .” then right away you know that those twelve things aren’t what you really need to know, otherwise you’d already know them. If you’ve gotten this far in life without knowing them then how important could they be?
“14 Ultimate Photoshop Secrets” – We all know they aren’t secret.
“27 Hottest Photo Trends” – By the time they get to a web list, those trends are tired clichés.
“10 Essential Flash Tips” – Summed up: read the manual.
“6 Great Ways To Get Free Marketing” – Summed up: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, start a blog, e-mail, network. Where exactly is the “great”?
7. Comedian George Carlin once said, “There’s no way of knowing how many things you need to know.”
